The End-of-Life Paradox
Source: The Huffington Post It seems that whenever Marian visits her dad, he wants to go over certain things: where his will is located, where to find his stocks and bank book, and even where to find the charcoal suit that he wants used when he is laid out in his casket. To Marian, such conversations are morbid, distressing and perplexing. At 82, her father is relatively healthy, independent and maintains an active life. Why does he always seem to focus on death -- especially when she is around? Often adult children experience what I call this end-of-life paradox. Their older parents want to speak about the logistics of death in detail. Or, maybe they want to review end-of-life care plans contained in advance directives, just at the time when it is most difficult emotionally and spiritually for their adult child to listen to such conversations. The end-of-life paradox results from the different places the generations are in their own spiritual development and how each makes sense both of life and death. Older persons recognize that even if they are active and healthy, they are nearing the end point of life. Victor Marshall, a sociologist, used the term "awareness of finitude" to describe the appreciation for the life cycle that older people may exhibit. Death is perceived as closer. This does not mean that they expect to die immediately, but rather that they realize that death is part of life. They are reluctant to plan too far into the future. [...]