• 5/2/2005
  • Lowell, MA
  • Nancye Tuttle
  • Lowell Sun

Lowell General Hospital (LGH) program, ‘What About Me…?,’ helps kids whose family members have cancer deal with their feelings

Brendan McDonough and his dad Dick love baseball and always had fun playing catch together. But that all changed 15 months ago, when Dick was diagnosed with brain cancer. Now, says Brendan, he realizes that what he misses most since his dad got sick is just going outside to play ball with him.

“All he can do now is watch TV,” says the Chelmsford 11-year-old.

Brendan talks easily about his feelings, sharing them with new friends he has made in “What About Me…?,” a support group at Lowell General Hospital’s Cancer Center for adolescents between the ages of 11 and 17 whose families have been touched by cancer. Before joining the group, says his mother Suzanne, Brendan didn’t talk much about his father’s illness. But now he’s more willing to share his feelings.

So, too, is Nicholas Janeczko, 11, of Lowell, whose father Mark has bone cancer following colon cancer.

“It helps the kids, since they need someone else to talk to besides us,” Mark Janeczko says.

Brendan’s sister, Kelly, 8, and Nicholas’ brother, Bryan, 7, participate in “What About Me…? Jr.,” for youngsters from ages 7 to 10. Kelly has become friendly with Samantha Benoit, another 8-year-old from Chelmsford, whose father is in remission from mouth cancer.

Brendan, Kelly, Samantha, Bryan and Nicholas were at the hospital last Tuesday, along with Kyle Gilman, 10, the newest group member, from North Chelmsford.

They joined social worker Cammie Caron, who facilitates the groups, and made plans for their team to walk in LGH’s annual TeamWalk for Cancer Care on Sunday, May 15. Each child received a special TeamWalk purple participant bracelet, a T-shirt and a pep talk from Caron.

“It’s important that we stay together, since a lot of people will be walking,” she says. “When we get to the finish line, you’ll see your parents and give them their gifts. Then you can go see your friends and the others who are there.”

Giving pep talks is just one part of what Caron does as she works with kids affected by cancer.

“Lots of times, we’ll have an activity. We talk about their feelings and how their family member is doing now,” she says. “It gives them a chance to talk with kids who are going through the same thing.”

According to the youngsters, that’s the best part of “What About Me…?,” which is open to any child, no matter where the parent is being treated.

“It’s a place to talk, and I don’t have to keep it a secret,” says Samantha Benoit, who had a hard time dealing with her father’s physically damaging cancer, which resulted in his having to eat with a feeding tube.

“When you come here, you get to talk to other kids whose parents have cancer,” says Nicholas Janeczko. “My dad always tells me to have a fun time when I come here.”

“I didn’t know how to talk about it before, but here you get to talk about your sick parent to other kids who know what it feels like,” says Brendan.

“It’s really hard having a parent who is sick,” adds his sister, Kelly, shaking her head.

Kyle Gilman is happy to be here. His mother, Laurie, has breast cancer that metastasized into her liver, spine and brain.

“My mom’s been wanting me to come, and I want to talk about it,” he says.

The children are mature beyond their years and very empathetic, Caron says. Each helps out at home — and that helps them cope. Kelly and Brendan McDonough stay with their dad, who is now in hospice care, to give their mother a break.

Bryan and Nicholas Janeczko have regular chores, including setting the table, cleaning their rooms, vacuuming and emptying the trash. Kyle Gilman helps his mom go up and downstairs because her cancer has affected her ability to walk.

Participating in the TeamWalk has also empowered the children.

“They really wanted to do this walk to see what they could do to help,” says Suzanne McDonough, whose son and daughter have raised more than $2,400 in pledges. Bryan and Nicholas Janeczko have raised money at their school.

As the kids headed downstairs for pizza and cookies, their parents compared notes and drew strength from each other.

“I don’t know if our kids know how much they help us get through this,” Suzanne Mconough says.

“It’s amazing how strong our kids are,” Ken Gilman agrees.